I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
