I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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