walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
