how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
