Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
