Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
