Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Found your dick twin last night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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