did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
