i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
