Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
