When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
