Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
