First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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