I just pynch a tree in the face
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So squirting runs in the family.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As shirtless as possible
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
