yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
