Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
