I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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