Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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