She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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