Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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