i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry š¬
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
