Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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