i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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