it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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