The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
