I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
