hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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