it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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