why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
where are my eyebrows?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
