I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
