im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize