I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
