why didn't you poke me back
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
