i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
