A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
