I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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