why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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