My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize