so that wasnt chicken after all
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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