He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
