Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
