took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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