how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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