a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
