I think my vagina is haunted
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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