Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
