You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
