Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
