I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
