I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
