We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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