He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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