she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
