90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
