My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
