Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later

(410): View more from Maryland

I knew I liked you

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.

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(917): View more from New York City

Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes

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(678): View more from Georgia

Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before

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(816): View more from Missouri

If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.

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(650): View more from California

Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.

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