I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
