I feel great
I just peed on a car
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
