Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
