He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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