Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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