I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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