Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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