Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
