she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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