I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize