the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
