Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
