Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
