wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
