whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
