you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
